Catch up posts #2

I WROTE THIS ON 26TH MARCH BEFORE I OD'D

I just want my mind back. I want ME back. I don't want to live like this. I feel like my insides are shaking. My mind is racing. I'm not sad but I cant stop crying. It's like my thoughts are getting faster 'til they aren't thoughts anymore... but just a kind of silent yet so fucking loud noise in my head. I just want to scream or smash something. Not because I am angry but because I just want to stop my mind. There is othing I WANT to do to distract myself. Like something to occupy my mind. It's not like when you lose interest you can't be bothered. It's more that I just can't concentrate. I find myself getting distracted so easily. Even mid-conversation I catch myself looking round. I feel like my movements are (physically) sharper or quicker at times. Jittery?! Sometimes when I m talking I feel like my mind is going too fast for my mouth, or the other way around... I'm not sure.